Someone Once Told Me #001 — Nicole Boychuk

In the first few bitter cold months of the past, wretched year I found myself chatting with a friend about how much we mutually disliked Midsommer (2019). After sharing a couple laughs over the half-baked plotline, we started to steer in to more vested conversation (the kind where one walks away learning something they will always keep with them) where I was first told something I would think about each day after: “Your friends are your future”.

The above-mentioned friend-in-conversation is Nicole Boychuk. You may know her from past project: I Hate Sex, or her series of illustrations on Instagram, or on a much more personal level lucky enough to call her friend.

Whatever the connection may be, and for whatever reason you may be here reading this; let me be the first to welcome you to Someone Once Told Me. Short-form conversations with artists and creatives about the best advice they’ve ever received.

Alex Couts: Let’s start with some history. Who told you this advice and how do they fit in your life? Where were you when you received this advice?

Nicole Boychuk: The advice came from Nicolas Field, who I met through the community after seeing his band La Luna in 2013. La Luna was the first time I had ever seen someone who looked like me playing aggressive music and having that admiration and inspiration from Vanessa Fever (Vocals in La Luna) compelled me to do the same.

Over time, due to the remote nature of Alberta, IHS and La Luna formed a strong touring bond with one another, sharing each others’ cities weekend after weekend and being perpetually inspired by the community they were experiencing and the art they were creating.

Eventually, La Luna moved their operation to Toronto and Nicolas and Vanessa became a part of the beloved New Friends Fest. In 2018, IHS was able to play their final show as NFF headliner. After flying in a couple days ahead of the rest of the band, Nicolas and I were on our way to the airport for them, discussing future endeavors and ambitions.

absorbing the luxury of the moment, Nicolas mentioned in passing “Your friends are your future” while talking about the insanity that we were even able to be there — doing music at such a complete level — entirely because of the steps we had taken in one another’s lives.

That is what caused me to think more about what had happened entirely leading up to where I was in that moment. That there would never be any possibility of doing anything like this without the engagement of friends. Fully understanding the weight of the connections and people that you will meet, and how they will inform the steps you take to the different places in your life.

I need to mention this isn’t networking or some business connection, this is about seeking the company you keep to be there to build you up and help you grow due to the love that they are there to show you. It’s about finding the people in your life that will mean the most to you and working hard to keep them there.

A: Noting that IHS is much a past part of your life, how do you find yourself applying the advice forward in your life?

N: IHS is a closed chapter of my own life now, that has its own fondness and nostalgia, so the phrase takes on a new meaning for me than it did in that moment when I first heard it.

I think of it as a measure of mindfulness, returning to it most when watching the shallow performance of social media unfold in front of me most days. I see people engaging with others across platforms, with clear intentions of their statements and actions being only for personal gain.

There’s a lot of concern coming from people to be strongly individualistic, and present that forward as much as they can through platforms. From my view, it would seem like we could all learn to be better to one another if there was effort to be less individualistic and focus on connecting with people in whole ways and be able to look back on things with sentiment.

This interview for example; I am not thinking about this as “Alex is going to write about me and my band and then so many people are going to read it and the art is going to be so much more popular,” .. I am thinking about waking up tomorrow morning being happy that we got to spend this time together to talk about something meaningful and sentimental we share with one another and be that much closer because of it. There is a rather simplistic nature to it all, and the value of the moment in connection and what that adds to the foundation of our relationship is much more important to me than whatever may become of this piece.

A: You drew the intentions of this series right out of me. The whole reason I started this was to create focused opportunities to have engaging and meaningful conversations with friends, strangers, and whoever else has something to share. I’m not here for personal gain, and the goal of putting better advice into the world is only secondary. Maybe it’s selfish, but I mostly want to hear what my friends have to say about their life experiences. SOTM is just a catalyst to have that conversation.

A: Who needs to hear this advice? What kind of resolve do you imagine this bringing to someone hearing it for the first time?

N: I think people exploring new creative ventures, especially those with a method of exchange in some way, would benefit from hearing this the most. Especially after this past year, people will need this idea re-enforced after being so distant from one another, and not having as immediately apparent feelings of community and friends.

It hasn’t been as easy to see the little red strings that connect us through everything this past year.

A: red strings?

N: Like a PI mapping out their investigation. Think about it this way: if one of us is at the top of the mountain, whatever accomplishment that is, everyone that was involved or we experienced in getting there are the stones that lead us up the path. I’m thinking a lot about Tim Richard right now, who was like IHS’s secretary.

… the I Hate Sex-cretary..

A: nice.

N: We would spend eight or so hours a day together through classes in university, which is how we came to know one another and he came to be involved with the band. He was never an “official” member, but IHS would have never been what it was without his efforts. He put together promo materials, did merch, came to countless shows, helped us out with places to sleep. We would have never survived as a band if it weren’t for the kindness and love that Tim showed us. If that relationship never existed, none of IHS would have been known for what it is.

A: Let’s wrap everything here together with one last present, future outlook: how has this advice influenced how you live and interact with others?

N: I think the way the advice has impacted me is putting value in the connections and the little red strings that connect all of us, and create something bigger than any of our respective individuality.

Lately, I’ve been hard at work putting together a discography release and have learned that the process is leaning on those past relationships more now than ever. Feeling much as if there is no reason why anyone should be helping out with this, but finding that they are because of the cemented and personal natures of our relationships. There are so many people out there in the world, some I’ve never even met in person, that are willing to give parts of themselves to this effort.

It’s been a gift to realize so fully that the people you surround yourself with, and have made it into your circle, are there for a reason. They are choosing to be there to share their kindness and love with you because of the love that you have shown them, and that beauty is so needing to be appreciated.
I made a tweet earlier this year (and then probably deleted it) during a rougher time that read something like: “there are people in your life who put up with your shitty existence for whatever reason, you need to thank them for that.”

A: retweet.

I Hate Sex was a screamo band from Edmonton, and Nicole Boychuk is the bleeding heart of meaningful connection that anchored the group’s sound over the years. As written in the sacred scripture of skramz and needs to be remembered now more than ever: “skramz is for friends, but there is no happy here”

Someone Once Told Me is a collection of conversations with artists and creatives about the best life advice they have ever received. Our logo is by Nicole Boychuk and my name is Alex Couts and I’d love to hear what you have to say. Drop a line on Twitter @VirusesForFree or just shout profanities at me from a moving car. Both are equally effective.